by ysler
Third in the Ten4Ten Series

* * *

Jack slept, inert on the infirmary bed. No machines beeped, or hissed air. An IV pierced his arm, but the dripping was silent. Sam didn't know there could be so much silence, even underground. She missed Jack's voice. She missed his eyes, now hidden under lids that didn't even flicker with dreams.

A hand touched her shoulder. Janet's scent--lavender to cover up the smell of disinfectant--enveloped her. She didn't react. She hoped Janet would go away and leave her with Jack. Or what was left of him.

"Sam, you need to eat something," Janet said.

"It's my shift."

"I could bring you tea. Crackers." Janet's hand moved idly over her shoulder, stroking.

"I'm fine."

"You're deteriorating."

The word was so foul that Sam leaned forward, putting her hand on Jack's limp one, as if to shield him. She was deteriorating. Jack was deteriorating, minute by minute, becoming less.

"Are you trying to join him?" Janet asked. Her voice was hard, and the anger forced Sam to look up, into Janet's narrowed eyes.

Sam said, "Tell me what I can do to take his place, and I will do it."

Janet cupped the side of her neck. Sam didn't flinch away or lean into the touch. She kept her gaze locked to Janet's, trying to be as hard as Janet was. As hard as Jack could be.

"It's not your fault," Janet said.

"It should be me."

"Why?"

"The staff blast was meant for me. And suddenly he was there. I tried to return fire, but he was still there." Sam couldn't look over at Jack's broken body. Burned through the abdomen by the staff blast, then his leg and hip punctured by a spray of bullets. There had been blood transfusions and talks of transplants when the chance for infection wouldn't be so great. And the screaming. God, the screaming. It had frightened the Jaffa away.

"Battles are chaotic," Janet said. She stroked Sam's neck.

"I would rather--" Sam bit her lip, and looked down. "It shouldn't have happened to him."

"If it had, your positions would be reversed, and he would be suffering just as much as you are now. Would you want that?"

Sam jerked away from Janet's hand. She turned back to Jack. Of course she didn't want that. Fresh guilt gnawed at the aching guilt in her stomach. She asked, "Is this how you feel, whenever we come back?"

"Yes." Janet's hand fell onto her shoulder again.

"I'm sorry."

Janet didn't say anything, just rubbed Sam's back. Her touching was relentless, and comforting, and somehow Sam's anger found it's way to that. She said, "And here I thought I was special."

"You are," Janet said. She pressed her thumb into Sam's shoulder, pressing muscle. Sam groaned. Janet said, "That's like asking who you care for more, Jack or me."

Sam closed her eyes. She said, "I see your point."

Janet kissed her hair. She encircled Sam's chest with her arm, and held her. Sam relaxed, reaching out for Jack, trying to transfer some of the comfort to him. She pictured herself as a conduit. Light could dance from Janet to him. Janet kissed her again, and said, "You are first among many."

Sam smiled, and some of the guilt ebbed. Jack would have smiled, too.

Daniel came in, carrying magazines. He gave Janet a weak smile, and made no expression as he regarded Sam. He didn't have to. His face was a mirror of her insides.

Janet squeezed her and said, "Shower, Sam."

"What?"

"Please. You look awful. You smell awful. I know you won't eat. But please… Do something."

Daniel laughed. A short sound he swallowed quickly as he and Sam swapped places. Sam shook her head. Janet waved. Sam walked out. She glanced over her shoulder. Daniel reached up and take Janet's hand.

Sam went to the locker room. The water was on in the far stall, and steam pleasantly shrouded the room and brushed her face. She dropped her clothes and peeked through the curtain. "Teal'c?"

Teal'c stood in the center of the stall. The spray went against his back and shoulders, but he was unmoving. His eyes opened at her words, and he smiled.

"Janet sent me," she said.

He nodded.

"What are you do doing?"

Teal'c said, "I, too, was ordered here. I was attempting to time my meditation for her expectations."

"Why not just take a shower?"

He regarded her calmly.

"Right." She stepped into the stall. "Mind if I?"

Teal'c extended his hands and bowed again. She picked up a washcloth and a bar of soap. She'd washed Teal'c before, as he had her, and found no embarrassment in running the washcloth over his chest and down his thighs. She had never asked him what he thought of women in the military, or her in particular, but she'd saved his life, and he hers, and that was probably enough.

Washing him eased her tension somewhat; She could touch him and heal him in a way she couldn't with Jack, but deeply wanted to. Teal'c was a surrogate, but he knew that. And she was one, too. They were silent as she passed the washcloth to him. He turned her into the spray, and she shut her eyes against it. His hand traveled down her back. She leaned back, into him. His arms encircled her. He washed her stomach. She covered his hands with hers, and they stood together, feeling the water fall.

In the infirmary, Daniel crossed his legs and turned to a new page in the magazine. He started to read aloud. "I never thought it would happen to me…"

Janet came over, bringing a glass of water. "Hustler?" She asked. "Really?"

"I try to keep the man happy," Daniel said.

She chuckled.

He took a sip of water, and looked down at the page, embarrassed to read the words aloud in front of her.

She asked, "What happened out there?"

"I had to carry his fat ass, because Teal'c and Sam were better shots than I. The Jaffa were everywhere," Daniel said. He sighed. "Did I hurt him worse?"

"By carrying him?"

"Yeah."

"No," she said.

"Are you lying?"

Janet smiled.

Daniel closed the magazine. He asked, "How do you do this, Janet? Stitch us up and send us out again?"

"Because she's got bigger balls than me. Despite her size," Jack mumbled from the bed. Janet and Daniel turned to him.

"Don't you forget it," Janet said.

Jack's eyes were closed. He wet his lips, and attempted to speak again. The first sentence must have taken long minutes of preparation, that they'd missed in talking to each other. He said, "One didn't get shot off, did it?"

"One?" Janet asked.

"Doc, don't do this to me," Jack said.

"Your testicles are fine, Colonel."

Jack said, "I was having this pleasant dream. Daniel was talking about sex." His eyes opened and he regarded Daniel warily. "It seemed pleasant at the time."

Sam and Teal'c came into the infirmary together.

"He's awake," Janet said.

Teal'c smiled.

Sam walked to the bed and nervously took Jack's hand.

"Well, isn't this rosy," Jack mumbled.

"It has been three days. Perhaps in the future, you will be more careful where you step," Teal'c said.

"Yeah," Jack said, nodding. "I don't think this is what they meant by, 'Getting it from both ends.'"

Janet smacked Daniel's shoulder. "What have you been reading him?"

Daniel laughed, and Janet slipped her arm around Sam's waist. The infirmary was filled with sound.

END