"Well now you know that the hard part about being on this

team is not risking your own life. It's watching your friends

take chances with theirs." - Cameron

Vala sprayed her flowers with the little bottle Siler had given her. She fiddled with the leaves, frowned and then slammed the bottle down on the desk. "Fine," she snapped. Be that way. See if I care." She turned on her heel and stormed to her bed. She was about to flop down on the mattress when there was a knock on the door. She growled, "Hello!"

The door opened despite her tone and Sam Carter stepped in. Vala sighed and said, "What?"

Sam looked at the flowers and saw the toppled spray bottle. Water was dripping to the floor from the nozzle. "Have you tried talking to them?" Sam asked.

"To who?"

"The flowers," Sam said.

Vala looked at Sam, looked at the flowers and then shook her head. "What?"

Sam smiled and waved her hand. "Forget it. Get your coat."

"I'm not going anywhere," Vala said. She dropped onto the side of the bed and picked at the corner of her blanket. "If we get word on Daniel, we should be here, ready to go, ready..." Sam had rounded the foot of the bed and stopped her by grabbing her arm. She lifted Vala off the bed and dragged her towards the door. "What are you doing? Let go of me! I'm not going anywhere."

Sam picked up Vala's coat as she passed the table and thrust it against Vala's chest. "Put it on."

"It's not that cold outside," Vala groused.

"Trust me," Sam said as she dragged Vala out of the room. "You're going to want it."

~

The night was cold, but comfortable enough in a T-shirt. Comfortable, that is, unless you happened to be riding on the back of an Indian motorcycle, pushing eighty miles an hour down the highway. Sam had stopped at the locker room to change into a pair of tight blue jeans and a leather jacket. Her helmet was sleek and futuristic, a hard shell that seemed custom-made for her head. She had given Vala a bigger, less impressive model and they were off.

Vala was pressed against Sam's back as tightly as she could, eyes closed, teeth clenched. The wind was ice-cold at this speed and threatened to tear her off with every turn. Her arms were wrapped tight around Sam's waist, her hands clasped and balled in Sam's stomach. Every now and then Sam would reach down and move Vala's fists one way or another to a more comfortable position.

Sam finally pulled off the highway and drove a few blocks to a small picnic area. Vala peeled herself off the back of the bike and wrapped her arms around herself. "Lovely hobby you've got there," she said through chattering teeth. "Although I do have to admit I enjoy the... um. Vibrations."

Sam smiled and pulled two bottles of beer from the saddlebag. She said, "Noticed that, did ya? Come on."

Vala followed Sam into the park. Tall security lights stood at the four corners, illuminating the area with a bright, neon blue glow that was only slightly brighter than a full moon. The park was flanked on two sides by parking lots. It was backed up by a row of dark houses and a small swimming pool on the opposite end. Sam led Vala to a park bench and took a seat.

"I thought you didn't like alcoholic beverages," Vala said as she took her bottle.

"Not often," Sam admitted. "But on occasion, they hit the spot." She popped the lid with her key ring and repeated the gesture for Vala. "Cheers," she said.

"Cheers," Vala repeated. She took a swig and scanned the park for signs of life. Nothing, not even a squirrel, disturbed their solitude. Vala's mood, lightened by the banter and the bike ride, began to fade back to what it had been for the past three days. Despondent, frustrated, impotent. "Why are we here?" she asked.

"Because you needed out. You needed to step back."

"What would you know about it?" Vala muttered.

"General O'Neill was lost off-world twice. The first time, I nearly lost my position on SG-1 because I refused to let it go. I spent all my time working on a device that we weren't even sure would work. For all we knew, he had died and I was working to bring back a corpse.

"The second time, we didn't even know where to look for him. I monopolized the SGC's resources, I ignored all the signs that he wasn't to be found."

"But you found him," Vala said. "Both times. You didn't give up and you found him."

"Yeah. Eventually. And at a great physical cost. When the Tok'ra radioed that they'd flown over General O'Neill and Colonel Maybourne's camp, I was in the control room with General Hammond. As soon as they confirmed both men were alive, I collapsed. I was taken to the infirmary and had to admit I hadn't really slept for almost a week. How long has it been since you slept?"

Vala looked away.

"I learned my lesson. I learned that I had to step back. You have to learn the same thing. I had help; I had Janet in my corner. I know how hard it can be to step back on your own, so... I'm here for you."

Vala twisted her wrist and watched the beer swirl in the neck of the bottle. "Cameron said the hardest part of being on this team... was watching people you cared about risk their lives. And now you're telling me I need to step back. That I need distance. Well, I had distance! You think I liked being alone, being a thief and a con artist? I did it because I was sick and tired of having people leave me. I knew if I was alone, I wouldn't have to feel this way. And then I meet Daniel... and I come to the SGC and I start to feel things for people and then this happens? I don't want to step back, I don't want to be alone any more!"

She threw her beer bottle in the general direction of the trash. It shattered with an explosion that caught the security lights. She turned on her heel and stalked back towards the parking lot. She had almost made it when Sam caught up to her, spun her around and pulled her into a hug. Vala collapsed in Sam's arms and buried her face against Sam's leather jacket. "It's my fault," she whispered. "Adria is my daughter, whatever she's done is my fault..."

Sam shushed her, one hand on the back of her head, and closed her eyes. "Maybe I'm wrong," Sam whispered when Vala quieted. "Maybe the secret isn't to step back and let go. Maybe... the secret is to hold on as tight as possible to those you still have."

Vala balled her hands in the back of Sam's jacket and sobbed.

end